This Should Count as a New Post, Right?

welp, the year's coming to an end. looking back, quite a lot had happened: the king of pop never made his triumphant return, a man became president of the US via excessive usage of the word "hope" and "change" and by being black, and said man winning the Nobel Prize by achieving little to nothing over the year, the unnecessary coverage of the John and Kate drama, Clinton playing secret agent man, US republican trying too hard on reverting back like the early 90's rogues and giving it to "the man", eight "buns" in a woman's "oven" and twitter having actually found it's usefulness.

yes, i stay tune to this kinda crap. makes good material. on a personal note; resolutions! so how was my year? the fact that i have to make a blog just proves it did not go well

1) lose weight; base on the fact that i had to punch three extra holes in my belt just so it lives up to it's purpose, yes, i guess i did lose some..... despite still weighing in at 105 kg.

2) by losing weight, look attractive and get a nice girl; sadly, it's kinda hard for anyone to notice a bunch of punched out holes on your belt when you cover it with your really baggy shirt that may or may not be the cause of why you still look so fat. so, no.

3) nice girlfriend pushes me along to get a proper job; well, since no.2 was a no go....

but hey, 1 out of 3 ain't all that bad. you should've seen my resolution last year

you should've seen just how loud i cried that new year's eve...

well, come at me 2010! i'll take your best shot, cuz i have a frickin' blog now! (oh, did i not tell you that this is just a blatant attempt to pick up chicks? it's like a less complicated version of the "Lorenzo Von Matterhorn")

you've thought me well, and i WILL make you proud, sensei!!!

there's bound to be a nice girl out there with a bad sense of humour, to find me funny and amusing enough to just forget about how fat i am so i can finally stop jogging..... my legs hurt, dammit!

Can anyone even tell the difference?

lemme correct myself about that last post; super glue can fix everything, though there comes a time when shit's gone so bad, not even 3 cases of it and duct tape can help to fix it.

it's just the proof and merit of all my (wasted and unrewarded) hard work. but hey, it lasted for 21 months on super glue alone, so give super glue some credit. compared to my running socks, 21 months is a good long run.

exhibit A; last sock i wore for jogging. lasted 3 months

exhibit B; current socks i'm wearing. 5 days old out of the wrapper and there's already a hole

so, i wasted a whole afternoon shopping for a new shoe.... though not before beating that old dog just one more time, this time with duct tape tying it up.

kind of a tight fit, but i guess all shoes start off like that....

hm?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

oh, for fuck's sake, you can't possibly tell me it doesn't look like men's running shoes!?

Excuse me, are you hitting on me.....?

...or do i have something on my face?

since a couple nights back, i can't help but feel how some women are looking at me differently. they don't ignore me (of course, seeing as how some of em' were cashiers, that was something of a job requirement), make fun of me behind my back, or give me that look that screams "Damn! and i thought God couldn't get any worse than Ron Jeremy, now he brought you!". no, rather they've been giving me the playful look. am i just imagining things? you tell me;

Ron Jeremy. You can tell me i could have just cropped his upper half, saving you the urge to gouge your eyes out, but i didn't wanna suffer alone. be thankful i censored it a bit. Now if you'll excuse me, my HD feels dirty saving this pic, i'm gonna have to reformat it...

waiting in line on the cashier, two men were waiting before me. as i wait, i went ahead and got myself a good glimpse of the cashier (no, i don't stare); pretty cute, with her nose being the focus of that cuteness. her reaction to the men before me? silence, her eyes focused on their hands as she grabs they're cash and give they're change. my turn; after making my order, i could see her making that come hither look, as i stare down my wallet, waiting for me to look up and cross her gaze. and when she gave me my change, she announced the amount with a cheerful tone. the exact same sequence also happened over at a convenience store.

now, some men would take this opportunity to strike a conversation, and maybe grab a phone number. i'm not "some men". i'm a nerd. i don't think i'll need to explain to you how nerds react to girls who think they're cute....

courtesy of XKCD

Seriously, that comic pretty much sums up why i don't go struttin' my poetic verbal skills. though it's been a long while since i had a girl of my own, so any remnants of said skills are pretty much rusty by now.

"oh, so you did dated someone before! so, just do the same thing you did to grab her." well, long story short, all that was by accident really. no, not the usual kind that you see in tv, where i bump unto the girl, and she dropped her stuffs, and i helped her pick them up, and our eyes crossed path, and then LOVE. all i did, without even making it my aim to have her give her phone number to me (despite really wanting a GF), was make a few gestures that she found quite cute...... in a forum. yes, i made the dreaded move (found out later during the break up) of hooking up with someone i met in the net. how was i supposed to know she was a Bruneian, and cute to boot despite how ugly she looked in her avatar? never again, i tell you..... though despite saying that, i have the feeling that deep in my gut, between the cheeseburger and takoyaki chocolate slush, my only reason to even make this blog is to make me sound cute and make it all happen again.... interested applicants may e-mail me, so we can devise a plan to re-enact the usual stereotypical scenario mentioned earlier in this paragraph.

For those of you who didn't get it, Chocolate Slush = poop. yay, toilet jokes!

so, yes i have neither the experience nor knowledge to pull off a simple conversation starter, despite watching a lot of movies featuring Adam Sandler (learned to write witty poems from Mr.Deeds, and learned some pick-up lines from 50 first dates). am i afraid of rejection? if horrible memories of me from kindergarten to 3rd grade is of any indication, being bullied and de-humanized by being called fat and ugly may pretty much be the reason why i may have to say "Yes".

Sticks, stones, brass knuckles, crowbars... they'll break my bone and don't really scare me, but dangit, them words sure hurt ....

and if any of you female readers (peh. "readers"? this blog? gotta advertise the place somehow) just felt an ounce of sympathy over that statement, it's called the "bad past" card. like the "tragic past" ("my childhood sweetheart, who was born on the same day and in the same hospital as me, died when i was 11", "my parents were killed in an alleyway mugging", etc.) card, only more believable.

"love is like a taxi; when you really need it, it's never there. when you're not looking for it, it's there in front of you, parked, just waiting for you to hitch a ride."

a paraphrase from a japanese tv drama, if i'm not mistaken. so far in my life, these words have been quite true. i had no intention at all to hook up with my ex, yet it happened. sure, i know for certain that one must make a move to make it all happen, rather than wait for it to drop on your lap like a spoiled child. and, as the Mythbusters Duo would say it, "Failure is ALWAYS an option", using said failures as notes to improve future attempts. i'm gonna put on a Glenn Beck here for a second and say this; screwing up big and seeing someone you really care about cry over it leaves quite the emotional impact. it broke my confidence as a lover and so i need a bit of help here.

so, ladies, the next time you come across a chubby, facial-hair ridden chap, usually wearing a black cap or a snow cap, and you find him kinda cute, just tell him that. no need to beat around the bush. he won't catch it nor will he know how to approach you. Or at least don't be TOO subtle. he finds you as equally as cute as you find him to be.