This Should Count as a New Post, Right?

welp, the year's coming to an end. looking back, quite a lot had happened: the king of pop never made his triumphant return, a man became president of the US via excessive usage of the word "hope" and "change" and by being black, and said man winning the Nobel Prize by achieving little to nothing over the year, the unnecessary coverage of the John and Kate drama, Clinton playing secret agent man, US republican trying too hard on reverting back like the early 90's rogues and giving it to "the man", eight "buns" in a woman's "oven" and twitter having actually found it's usefulness.

yes, i stay tune to this kinda crap. makes good material. on a personal note; resolutions! so how was my year? the fact that i have to make a blog just proves it did not go well

1) lose weight; base on the fact that i had to punch three extra holes in my belt just so it lives up to it's purpose, yes, i guess i did lose some..... despite still weighing in at 105 kg.

2) by losing weight, look attractive and get a nice girl; sadly, it's kinda hard for anyone to notice a bunch of punched out holes on your belt when you cover it with your really baggy shirt that may or may not be the cause of why you still look so fat. so, no.

3) nice girlfriend pushes me along to get a proper job; well, since no.2 was a no go....

but hey, 1 out of 3 ain't all that bad. you should've seen my resolution last year

you should've seen just how loud i cried that new year's eve...

well, come at me 2010! i'll take your best shot, cuz i have a frickin' blog now! (oh, did i not tell you that this is just a blatant attempt to pick up chicks? it's like a less complicated version of the "Lorenzo Von Matterhorn")

you've thought me well, and i WILL make you proud, sensei!!!

there's bound to be a nice girl out there with a bad sense of humour, to find me funny and amusing enough to just forget about how fat i am so i can finally stop jogging..... my legs hurt, dammit!

Can anyone even tell the difference?

lemme correct myself about that last post; super glue can fix everything, though there comes a time when shit's gone so bad, not even 3 cases of it and duct tape can help to fix it.

it's just the proof and merit of all my (wasted and unrewarded) hard work. but hey, it lasted for 21 months on super glue alone, so give super glue some credit. compared to my running socks, 21 months is a good long run.

exhibit A; last sock i wore for jogging. lasted 3 months

exhibit B; current socks i'm wearing. 5 days old out of the wrapper and there's already a hole

so, i wasted a whole afternoon shopping for a new shoe.... though not before beating that old dog just one more time, this time with duct tape tying it up.

kind of a tight fit, but i guess all shoes start off like that....

hm?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

oh, for fuck's sake, you can't possibly tell me it doesn't look like men's running shoes!?

It really sticks to ya'

jogging; it's one of the few (futile) things that i do to achieve the body that will make any women swoon and think "i'm gonna go talk with that guy". so far, that phrase has only worked against me as they wander off talking to the nearest guy other than me....

"I don't mind talking to you. i'm sure you have some very interesting stories to make me deeply interested in you. here, my phone number" *sigh* the things i do to keep myself sane....

it goes without saying as fat as i am, i make that extra effort to lose all that flab, and i do so by jogging as much as 3-5 times a week...... not that it helps, seeing as how these love handles are still here...

actual picture of my love handles. this picture was not photoshopped...... ok, i lied. had to erase the background. can't have people know what my room looks like....

and when you jog that much and weigh as much as me, well, it's no surprise a cheap running shoe like mine wouldn't last more than 6 months before the sole completely rips off. so it's off to buying a new shoe right?

BZZZZTTT!

why waste roughly $40 dollars and a whole after noon of jogging to buy a shoe when you've got super glue? been doing this for months, and it fixes EVERYTHING!

BEFORE:


a broken shoe, sides sticking out from the sole. also, freakish hands.

AFTER:

Good as new....

proof i do not have freakish hands... they're just fat!

10 minutes later, i can go out and do my deed....

Hook, Line, and Sinker....

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don't mind me folks, just directing traffic THIS way. uh-hee-hee-hee.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Meet Disappointment....

(this was meant to be written months ago. check the last post as to why it made it out now...)

Remember this?

when it comes to food, if there's anything i like more, it's cheese. it tastes good with everything, and i mean EVERYTHING! don't like tuna sandwiches? add a slice of cheese. don't like salads? add some cheese! no money to buy side dishes and you only have rice, and sliced cheese in the fridge? after crying and cursing yourself for being poor (*sniff*), CHEESE! BBQ? mee goreng? you've guessed it....

now, i'm no big fan of KFC, and not because their food tastes bad, but because the portions can be a bit too much for someone who's trying to lose weight, and really, nothing is as tempting as 2 crunchy, spicy pieces of chicken, gravy and fried rice to skew a fat man into the life of an eternal virgin. that, and it's pricey.

NOT my goal. you see a funny 2005 movie, but i see a warning from "me" from the future in 2024 who time travelled back in time, gave the script to Judd Apatow, all so i may see of what i shall become.....

so when i heard the value meal would only consist of the macaroni and a drink, and at the wonderful price 0f no more than 3 bucks, i said "eh. if $6-7 dollars gives me a big meal that mocks at my futile attempts to lose weight through jogging daily, then maybe at $3, it's just gonna be a reasonable, medium sized meal right? plus them meatballs look like their at a reasonable size to satisfy me."

Fuck you, KFC, fuck you....

it took me more than a week to finally get my hands on the darn thing, mostly because i wasn't aware that there was some specific time to the promo. 5 trips in 9 days, back and forth.... for THIS!? now lemme make this clear first; i have yet to take a bite from the thing when i took this pic, and you probably can't tell from the size, but it's small; kid's meal small. three swipes with my spoon, and done. the taste? not horrible, but it's just goddamn cheap. how cheap?

you'll find these in some shops. they have at least 10 times (i'm exaggerating cuz i'm mad) the servings than the one you get for the chickaroni, of which they skimped on the cheese. I am not kidding; it tastes exactly the same, and this is coming from a guy who made this once without knowing how to make the damn thing. after that, just sprinkle some ayamas chicken popcorn, and there you have it, only in your case, much more satisfying. WHERE WERE MY GIANT CHICKEN MEATBALLS!?

next on the list is misato's udon. didn't take any pics for this one, because nothing says "sad" and "pathetic" than a lone man seating on a lone table taking pictures of his meal in the middle of a crowded food court filled with families and friends sharing their meal time together. after watching all those animes and reading all those mangas (which are NOT helping me escape my fate into becoming a 40 year old virgin....), you just can't help but wonder what all those tasty looking japanese cuisines tastes like...

ok, maybe not ALL....

Udon, was among many that i have come across, and at $6, it can't be that bad, right?

following the theme so far, let me give you an idea what it tasted like; get a bowlful of, say, beef soup, put some noodles in it, and dump the soy sauce in. no, you're not getting me here, dump the WHOLE content of the soy sauce bottle in. that's right, it tasted completely like diluted soy sauce, so much you can feel your balls shrinking. every sip of the brew made me cringe, and yet, i sipped for more. one positive aspect of the experience were the noodles; thick and slimy, so much that the idea of it on the body of a nude girl is a major turn on. and that only floated in my head cuz i had to cope with bad taste of the brew somehow. i'll stick to La Mee, thank you very much....

Misato's udon? might as well gargle this whole bottle down your throat

alas, not all was bad; Misato's beef bowl, considering that you have the stomach space, was a delight (look it me. using "delight" to make me sound like some gourmet critic). though my second time there wasn't as good as my first; the rice wasn't as soft, and somewhat stale and i kinda already had a small meal beforehand which kinda ruined it all.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye.....

welp, as you may have noticed, it's been months since my last post. so what happened? take it from here, Monk....

"Here's What Happened...."

"... on your last post, you mentioned you'd make a post about Hari Raya. it would've been a perfect follow up to your last post, which was about Ramadhan. but there was a problem; you had to make frequent trips to the hospital every morning to take care of someone, stopping by a shop beforehand to see a girl under the pretense that you were just there to buy a newspaper. when that person got better, and you stopped coming to see the girl because she looked freaked out by you, you received a letter, the ones crumpled up in the trash bin in your room. it was the e-speed bill. having been unemployed for the last three months, the bills were stacking up, and at any moment, your connection would be cut off. you were one of those people who were reliant on the "Inter Nets". you couldn't risked it having it cut off and unable to download your "Japanimations" and tv shows through "Bit Torrents", so you had to find a job. it was rough on you for awhile since you haven't gotten used to it yet, and slept as soon as you got back from work. that was why you didn't make a post for a long while, because you were too occupied!"

welp, i'm guilty as charged. no escaping that. and sonovabitch, i don't know how hard i must've tried to pretend to be Monk, but he just implied that i'm some sort of stalker. next year then, folks....

The Belated Ramadhan Post

should have written this last month (Hijrah-wise) but better late than never.

fasting's a pain......

done ragin' and spewin' some religious lecture on me yet? i'm not sayin' i don't wanna do it or it's unnecessary. i'm just pointing out the obvious; it hurts. and it's supposed to, i guess. now, you may have come across the usual non-muslim fasting for whatever reason they're doing it for, and only lasting till noon ( as a note, for those of you who are thinking of trying it next year, don't bother. we've spent our childhoods practicing. more likely than not, you won't last past 2pm. don't beat yourself up cuz of it), but i can tell you this; hunger is the least of our problems.

"but it helps you lose weight, right?" that pretty much depends how you tackle the situation. do you stockpile your food, eating twice (or thrice) as much as you normally would in a meal, during sungkai/sahur, because of the "hey-i-didn't-have-no-snacks/lunch/breakfast-during-the-day-so-it's-ok" mentality? yes? congratulations! you'll be wearing some tight baju kurong come Syawal! but how? as i've said; stockpiling . rather than increase the amount of food you eat during night time, thinking you're making up for the daytime fasting, you're more likely to lose weight if you take you're average intake of food during a meal, as you normally would outside of Ramadhan, unless, of course, you're involved in some pretty strenuous activity during the day.

What my body DOES NOT look like, after Ramadhan..... or ever, really

oh, it weakens you by the knee alright. the pain, considering that you didn't have sahur earlier that morning, is unbearable ( i know, cuz i've been there). but it's not like grinding your teeth and tightening that belt won't help. what really gets on my nerves is getting thirsty, especially since Ramadhan also happens to fall on the drier months here. and roadside ads are not making this any easier.

ever drive up on the highway heading towards (or away from) the huge roundabout linking Bandar, Kiulap and Gadong, and as you're about to pass the Gadong Properties area, and you see, on top of one of the building, a Pepsi signboard, all icy wet with water dripping down it and the huge can of pepsi, lookin' oh-ever-so refreshing in the scorching heat? at times, i wish people would be a bit more considerate of the season. that signboard just makes me wanna find a hidden ramp (ala' GTA), rev up my already broken down car, worned out engine be damned, and drive and fly into that huge pepsi can, and just drown a sweet, fizzy death. and thats just one of the many culprits in and around the country. though, for some odd reason, just buying a can of drinks, and putting it in the fridge for later kinda quenches my thirst. subliminal message? well, it works.

After 9 hours without drinking, and the afternoons are scorching hot, don't lie to me that you wouldn't wanna die drowning in a pool sized cup of this!

then, there's nose and ear picking, nose especially. this may not be a problem to those not suffering from what i call, chronic booger syndrome (nose booger flowing non-stop. also, quite a band name. i should put that in my list), but it's just too much of a temptation. the thing about boogers, in my case, is that, once it solidifies, sometimes, it causes my nose hair to stand out. i'm a wuss, so pulling them out kinda hurts ( i usually tuck them in as i dig my nose). oh, and breathing ain't easy either. though, after sungkai, picking them out is kinda (i'm hesitant to say this) rewarding.

reading the above paragraph, can't help but say i sound so immature and and like an 8 year old. whats that you say? what about sex? you tell me. no point asking a 25 year old virgin (i cry before i go to sleep), but if porn counts, eh, not so bad. as long as you "blow" off some steam before going back to sleep after sahur, all is fine.

and then, comes Syawal. ah, how annoying it gets having to think twice before eating, drinking or picking any of your open orifices, cause you're so used to not doing them in the day. only thing out of this month i like is the food and discounts (oh, Most Def, can you not open a restaurant?). i do however prefer Ramadhan over early Syawal. as for the reason, stay tuned for the next episode of..... ABC! (i swear i just noticed that!)